Disclaimer: So I guess God was serious when he told me to open up more, because now I find myself wanting to share even more of my life with you. Don’t worry he’s still working on me and my introvert problems. I KNOW this post is going to relate to someone; I mean look at the title!
Hi, I’m Celethia Josey and I’m saved (Jesus Christ heads my life), sanctified (gaining Christ’s mindset while shedding my past one), and ratchet…Yes I said it I’m ratchet. Before you stone me and send to hell, there’s a method to this madness. Now back to the ratchet part; I love God with every fiber of my being, but my personality still needs a LOT of reconstruction. I go to church regularly, study my Bible, pray constantly, and have a relationship with God. I don’t partake in old sins anymore, lost the desire, and even have a changed mindset…or so I thought. God has a wonderful way of answering prayers that benefit your character and help you to grow in your life. Prayers like, “God help me to become a better person. I don’t want to sin anymore. Please help me to become more like Jesus.” And let’s not forget the famous prayer, “Use me Lord!” But just like there are blessings with our prayers, they come with their share of tests and trials.
For the past few months I’ve been living out the product of my prayers to God. In my love for God I wanted him to change me, cleanse anything not like him out of me, and help me to represent you better. And he’s answered my prayers, but not in the way I expected. Because of these prayers, I’ve realized how OPPOSITE my character was from Christ’s. I can be moody, cranky (especially if I haven’t eaten), stubborn, prideful, sometimes hot-headed, distant, lazy, and a procrastinator (there’s more but I don’t want to overwhelm you). And if we take a look at Jesus’ attitude, we’d see he’s nothing like the traits listed above. He’s selfless, humble, sacrificial, proactive, courageous, honorable, wise, and has self-control. So if I prayed about becoming like him, then why have I been acting out the opposite? Yes I’m a really nice person once you get to know me, but I’m flawed. I have defects at times, and I’m still trying to become the person God called me to be. What’s up???
Thank God he never leaves you clueless and in the dark (unless you want to be), and turns the light bulb over my head on. When God is doing a new work in your life, he firsts deals with the old in you. Life has a tendency to make us repress and suppress traumatic events so the pain won’t sting as much. And as a result our character has been shaped from old wounds. My favorite lines to use were, “I have trust issues. I don’t do people because I’m a loner. I won’t ever give my heart to someone. I’ll step back before I let someone hurt me again.” and so on. And the attitudes associated with these statements have been showing OUT in my attitude this year. I don’t say this with pride, but I say this as a broken trying to reconstruct the pieces of my life together.
God has to unveil and expose inward ugliness so inward beauty can become outward too. Our makeup, clothes, cars, money, and works cannot continue to conceal the sin we try to masquerade as habits. All it takes is the right situation and/or person to expose what you’re really made of.
But that’s okay though; no one ever said the process to healing would be easy but it’s possible. But only once we come to confessing our flaws before God, and trusted loved ones who will correct and encourage us (1 John 1:8-9). It’s only in the place of transparency, vulnerability, and honesty where God is able to transform our sinful nature into attributes of Christ.
Some of us (including myself at one time) have tried all year long to escape the place of transformation that God is trying to bring you in. And because of that, he’s allowed you to go around the same mountain over and over. Until you stop running from God’s transforming power in his presence, you will forever be locked in a cycle of bondage and confusion. Because God loves us, he’s never going to force his desire for change on us, but if you’re yearning for change you may want to reconsider.
So once I was honest and transparent with God about my flaws, I was able to see the error of my ways. That sometimes everyone isn’t a hater, but that they’re being used to show you yourself. Some of the things my loved ones have said about me over the years have been right. But if I allow God to reconstruct my life, I would still carry bitterness and resentment in my heart towards them. So don’t be alarmed if you’re asking God to change you, and your flaws come out. When medicine touches a wound, the infection has to come out before its properly healed. So here’s to God smashing and destroying old patterns and behaviors, and to him reconstructing a new attitude. I can’t wait to meet myself on the other side of this!
PS: If you’re looking and wandering where reconstruction starts, check out 1 John 1:8-9, Romans 10:9-10, and John 4. Remember Jesus Christ loves you, and has an expected end for each and everyone of you! Bye!!!!!!