Under Reconstruction

 

Disclaimer: So I guess God was serious when he told me to open up more, because now I find myself wanting to share even more of my life with you. Don’t worry he’s still working on me and my introvert problems. I KNOW this post is going to relate to someone; I mean look at the title!

Hi, I’m Celethia Josey and I’m saved (Jesus Christ heads my life), sanctified (gaining Christ’s mindset while shedding my past one), and ratchet…Yes I said it I’m ratchet. Before you stone me and send to hell, there’s a method to this madness. Now back to the ratchet part; I love God with every fiber of my being, but my personality still needs a LOT of reconstruction. I go to church regularly, study my Bible, pray constantly, and have a relationship with God. I don’t partake in old sins anymore, lost the desire, and even have a changed mindset…or so I thought. God has a wonderful way of answering prayers that benefit your character and help you to grow in your life. Prayers like, “God help me to become a better person. I don’t want to sin anymore. Please help me to become more like Jesus.” And let’s not forget the famous prayer, “Use me Lord!” But just like there are blessings with our prayers, they come with their share of tests and trials.

For the past few months I’ve been living out the product of my prayers to God. In my love for God I wanted him to change me, cleanse anything not like him out of me, and help me to represent you better. And he’s answered my prayers, but not in the way I expected. Because of these prayers, I’ve realized how OPPOSITE my character was from Christ’s. I can be moody, cranky (especially if I haven’t eaten), stubborn, prideful, sometimes hot-headed, distant, lazy, and a procrastinator (there’s more but I don’t want to overwhelm you). And if we take a look at Jesus’ attitude, we’d see he’s nothing like the traits listed above. He’s selfless, humble, sacrificial, proactive, courageous, honorable, wise, and has self-control. So if I prayed about becoming like him, then why have I been acting out the opposite? Yes I’m a really nice person once you get to know me, but I’m flawed. I have defects at times, and I’m still trying to become the person God called me to be. What’s up???

Thank God he never leaves you clueless and in the dark (unless you want to be), and turns the light bulb over my head on. When God is doing a new work in your life, he firsts deals with the old in you. Life has a tendency to make us repress and suppress traumatic events so the pain won’t sting as much. And as a result our character has been shaped from old wounds. My favorite lines to use were, “I have trust issues. I don’t do people because I’m a loner. I won’t ever give my heart to someone. I’ll step back before I let someone hurt me again.” and so on. And the attitudes associated with these statements have been showing OUT in my attitude this year. I don’t say this with pride, but I say this as a broken trying to reconstruct the pieces of my life together.

God has to unveil and expose inward ugliness so inward beauty can become outward too. Our makeup, clothes, cars, money, and works cannot continue to conceal the sin we try to masquerade as habits. All it takes is the right situation and/or person to expose what you’re really made of. 

But that’s okay though; no one ever said the process to healing would be easy but it’s possible. But only once we come to confessing our flaws before God, and trusted loved ones who will correct and encourage us (1 John 1:8-9). It’s only in the place of transparency, vulnerability, and honesty where God is able to transform our sinful nature into attributes of Christ. 

Some of us (including myself at one time) have tried all year long to escape the place of transformation that God is trying to bring you in. And because of that, he’s allowed you to go around the same mountain over and over. Until you stop running from God’s transforming power in his presence, you will forever be locked in a cycle of bondage and confusion. Because God loves us, he’s never going to force his desire for change on us, but if you’re yearning for change you may want to reconsider.

So once I was honest and transparent with God about my flaws, I was able to see the error of my ways. That sometimes everyone isn’t a hater, but that they’re being used to show you yourself. Some of the things my loved ones have said about me over the years have been right. But if I allow God to reconstruct my life, I would still carry bitterness and resentment in my heart towards them. So don’t be alarmed if you’re asking God to change you, and your flaws come out. When medicine touches a wound, the infection has to come out before its properly healed. So here’s to God smashing and destroying old patterns and behaviors, and to him reconstructing a new attitude. I can’t wait to meet myself on the other side of this!

PS: If you’re looking and wandering where reconstruction starts, check out 1 John 1:8-9, Romans 10:9-10, and John 4. Remember Jesus Christ loves you, and has an expected end for each and everyone of you! Bye!!!!!!

 

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To Those Struggling With Suicide 

To my brothers and sisters wanting to abandon life forever, I’m writing to let you know what you’d be missing out on. 

Let me first start off by saying that I was in this same place as you not once, but three times. I understand the pain of being hurt, disappointed, abandoned, and dropped. I’ve experienced betrayal so many times I can’t even count the number of knife wounds in my back. I’ve bled out from the time I was seven years old when my grandmother died, because I didn’t understand how why she was taken from me. Yes she was eighty-seven and up in age, but it didn’t matter to me because it wanted her to live forever. Because I didn’t understand she was living forever with Christ I slipped into a pit of grief that lasted about fourteen years. Then throughout my life in public school I was bullied and teased by classmates; my things were stolen, I was lied on, my whole class would get angry at me, teased me because of my weight etc. And because I viewed strife and division in my home for so many years, I suppressed my inner turmoil. I can’t really remember why I wanted to commit suicide the first time at 15 (by overdosing on medication), but a student found a note I sent to her about me killing myself. So a teacher that I used to view as mean found it, and called my mom and it startled her. It evoked compassion, sympathy, and attention from my mother that stopped me THAT time. 

The second time was around age nineteen, and it had been some months since I got saved (accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and life). But I was in a place of feeling overwhelmed, confused, and scared about my future’s fate. This was also around the time when people were getting killed and murdered by certain terrorists in the Middle East for their faith. With all the stress from my life (school, conflict from family, and healing from a broken heart), and fear of the future, I decided instantly that I wanted to die again. But this time I wanted God to take my life. The pressures and responsibilities of life were overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to cope. But talking with some people unclouded my judgement, and it delayed off another suicide attack. 

But the last one at around age 20 was a major hit, because I was on the edge of carrying it out this time. After a bad argument at home (harsh words included), I stormed up to my room and planned the latest suicide attempt. There was a large storage bag in my closet that I was going to use to asphyxiate (choke, lose oxygen etc.) on. (I realized now that I wouldn’t have worked since it had handles at the top that would allow oxygen to seep through. Good looking out God.) I remember crying in my bed, crying out for Jesus telling him, “If you don’t help me, I’m going to take my life because I don’t want to be here anymore.” So in that moment the idea to call TBN Christian hotline (that’s at the bottom of their screen) came to mind. So I called them, and this lady answered the line, and she prayed with me. What she said still shakes me to my core,” You have a great purpose on your life. That’s why satan wants you to kill yourself because you have a great future ahead of you.” All thoughts and plans of suicide evaporated in that moment. And I decided from that I moment on that I would never contemplate or attempt suicide again. 

It’s been three years since my last suicide attempt, and although life hasn’t hasn’t perfect I’m still here writing this to you. I’ll be honest and say there are times where images of how to kill myself come every now and then. But I instantly shut those thoughts down by speaking biblical scriptures over my life (Jeremiah 29:11,Isaiah 26:3,Philippians 4:8, Romans 8:28, John 3:16, John 10:10, 2 Corinthians 10:5, 2 Timothy 1:7 and many others.) The word of God is more powerful than any suicidal thought or agenda from the enemy. If you didn’t know, Satan desires that you end your life prematurely so that you can spend forever with him (YUCK!), and so you can forfeit on the rich, fruitful promises found in God’s word through Jesus Christ. Satan would love for you to give up on life. He wants you to think that nobody loves you, that your life has no meaning or purpose, and that your worthless. But the devil is a LIARRRRRRR! God took the time to create you, and everything about you is special. (Go see Psalm 139:14) And he knows who he created you to be. And even when family and friends abandon you, God will use what and whoever he has to show you that you’re loved and you matter. If you want to know how, look at my story and see how God used anything and anyone to interrupt my attempts. From using a teacher I thought was mean initially, to leading me to call a television hotline, God went above and beyond to show his love for me. 

You ask “Celethia how can I know that?” Well you’re alive reading this right now. But for your own personal experience with God’s love, ask him to show you how much he loves you. Even if you’re about to end it all, give it a try and ask God to stop you and to save you. My first suicide attempt happened when I wasn’t saved, but God came and stepped in my situation. And because he’s got enough love for all of us, he’ll do it for you too. 

And plus imagine all the lives that’ll suffer with you gone. Imagine all the people you won’t get to impact one day. When you end your life you not only kill yourself, you kill everyone that’s assigned to your purpose. You even kill off a whole bloodline because you destroy future descendants from being born from you. Whatever breakthrough and deliverance you were supposed to bring your family gets hindered and blocked until another picks your assignment up. Think of all the lives suffering. And imagine all the greatness that you’re going to miss out on in life. Know this, because Satan sees you as a threat to him and his kingdom, he wants to use your lack of awareness of your purpose against you. So when you don’t have insight of your future, you’ll think you don’t have a reason to live. 

So please, give life and yourself another chance. I promise you there are people who can help walk you through healing and deliverance. God and all his resources are accessible to you, and he’s more than willing to give them to you. Just ask him. No sin or past is too ugly for God to handle. The blood of Jesus takes care of ALL of our mistakes and sins. Please give God and life a chance, I promise you won’t regret it. 

Signed, 

A Survivor of Suicide

PS: go and read and speak out Romans 10:9-10 to yourself. We all have to start somewhere, why not there. 

Is Failure an Option? 

Hey world!!!!!! It’s been ages since I’ve posted a blog. These past 6 months have been eventful, and they’ve challenged me. But they’ve given me a fresh perspective on life, love, relationships, the future, and my relationship with God. But I’ve been away for TOO long and I’ve missed you guys so I’m BACKKKKKKK! 

Okay now that the formalities are over, I want to speak on something that at least 75% of people struggle with… the fear of failure. Now I understand that we all strive for some level of excellence and success (even slackers desire to achieve a level of success in laziness… they just don’t know it). We were divinely constructed to want a certain amount of success and growth. It’s cool guys, God strives for excellence and success amongst his people (no matter how he’s been poorly misrepresented). But what blocks many and has blocked me for so many years was the fear of failure. When unforseen circumstances happen in life, our faith and foundation gets shaken, and if we’re not firmly rooted and grounded we’ll become trapped. And by trapped I mean ensnared by the fear of failure. 

Take myself for example; growing up in life feeling like I had to everything perfect due to fearing backlash over my mistakes. If I didn’t clean this right, or say that right, or comprehend something I would get berated. So over time that criticism put me in a box that I felt safe in. And you could say it was complacency, procrastination, stagnation, stubbornness, or just outright laziness. But I saw it as a fortress against failure. Sure I was like the archetypal princess in distress, locked in a tower, and waiting for a knight in shining armor to free me. But the important thing was I wasn’t failing. But since God is an amazing, HONEST father, he was loving enough to show me the error in my mindset. I’ve been learning this year that it’s better to fail because of trying, than to fail because of not trying. When I realized that I’ve been failing throughout life because I didn’t try, I had to reflect and ask the Holy Spirit to give me insight on my shortcomings. And he showed me that I’ve been so afraid to fail that I never got in the ring to even try. My absence of effort has been more tragic than failing in effort. That moment was a sobering reality, because it showed me the only person who was stopping my growth was myself. I finally had to take responsibility for my lack of achievement and success that I KNOW I’m capable of having. But don’t worry there’s a happy ending to this post! 

After the Holy Spirit revealed this to me, I began to meditate (intentionally ponder, not Eastern meditation where I’m trying to gain enlightenment. I have the Holy Spirit for that) on some of my favorite verses. But in particular Romans 8:28 resonated in my heart, “For we know all things work together for those who love God, and are called according to his purpose.” Let me break this down for you. When Jesus Christ is Lord over your life (decision making, habits, career, relationships etc.) God will use your failures for your benefit. God has a wonderful way of transforming hideous mistakes into beautiful, PROFITABLE, messages. Why do you think some of our favorite singer, athletes, actors/actresses etc. are so successful? Because their triumphant stories of overcoming some kind of failure gives hope to those who are still crippled by failure. Let’s be honest here fam, nobody wants to give their attention to someone who hasn’t experienced SOME kind of struggle. No matter how much we desire a perfect life, we know deep down that’s impossible in this world today. (Why do you think some men and women love the hard cases? That’s another blog post lol!) But as much as we love stories that went from failure to success, most of us aren’t willing to experience a few losses to gain some wins. Now I’m not coming from a place of having arrived in this area fully, but I’m in this journey with you as well. And together with God, we can and WILL overcome the fear of failure! 

So with that being said, it is better to fail, fall, slip, stumble etc. forward than to fail without even trying. Trust me, with God in your corner, you never lack anything even in failure Psalm 23:1, Philippians 4:19. And we don’t have to fear failure but failure should fear us 2 Timothy 1:7, Isaiah 41:10. 

I love you guys so much and may you continue to have God’s peace even in failure and mistakes! See you next time! 

If you want to learn how to achieve these promises of failure working for your good, go checkout Romans 10:9-10 to be a recipient of these promises. You DEFINITELY don’t want to miss out on one of the greatest opportunities of your life! 

Word For 2017: Tunnel Vision

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As we head into 2017, I’ve been seeking and asking God for what 2017 consisted of. And as God has really been downloading fresh insight and revelation as I’ve taken time off social media. And before I go into what he’s shared, understand that 2016 isn’t over yet. I’ve realized these last 2 weeks to stop looking at what you don’t have, and focus on what God has given you. God is a god of increase and multiplication, and if you surrender what you have to him he’ll bless and prosper it. So finish this year strong, renewed, and on fire for God! I’ll see you in 2017!

Tunnel vision: the tendency to focus exclusively on a single or limited goal or point of view.

What I believe God is saying to his people for 2017, is that he want his people to have tunnel vision for next year and the years ahead. What’s going to affect and shake the world won’t affect the righteous. As the people of God are being led by God through the darkness, he doesn’t want us to focus on what’s going on around them. But he wants us to keep our eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. Just like how slaves traveled the Underground Railroad, I believe God is saying for us to follow him and don’t return backward.  Just like how Peter was able to walk on water when he focused on Jesus. Same for the people of God. “When you keep your eyes on me you will stay afloat, above water. I’ll keep you from drowning.” (Scripture reference Matthew 14:28-31)

“I am the guiding light.”– says the spirit of the Lord

Don’t look to the left or to the right, but keep your eyes on God. While your surroundings may appear dark, keep walking people of God. “Where I’m prepared to take my people no man knows. Just like how the Israelites exited out of Egypt. You won’t come out the way that’s favorable you’ll come out with me lead by my holy fire. (Exodus 13:17-18) Watch how I’ll move for a people set apart for ME. Have distinct courage in me. I’m flipping the script. Those challenges that you face won’t have to be faced no more.”

And I also believe God is saying to his people to …”Come out of Babylon and come out of Egypt.” Symbolically Babylon represents operating in a lifestyle of idolatry, carnality, harlotry (adultery by cheating on God with anything or anyone), false religion, false humility, a lack of holiness and righteousness, and a place of compromise. Egypt represents old bondage(sin), mindsets, complacency, slavery, oppression, abuse, and a system intent on killing the future seed/generations. I truly believe that judgement is coming to these places/organizations/mindsets/people etc., and God has been warning his people to “come out from among them, and be ye separated”. Is having a good time worth your eternity? One night out or with him or her worth dying in sin, and going to hell? (Scripture references: Exodus 12 and Isaiah 21:10.)

I pray this word has blessed and edified you. If you’re unsaved or backslidden from God now is the perfect time to come back to him. Instead of focusing how “perfect” or how you have to have it “all together” when coming to Christ, like 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 says God’s strength is present and perfect in our weaknesses. His grace [his unmerited favor] is sufficient for us. Ask Jesus to come into your heart where ever you’re at right now. Ask him to come into your life, forgive you for your sins, and help you pace through this journey called life. Just like it takes faith to breathe the air you’re breathing right now, to sit in the chair that’s holding you up trusting it won’t break. Or to trust you have another day of life, and that you’ll wake up the next morning. It takes faith to believe in Jesus Christ, and acknowledge his sacrifice and resurrection. (Romans 10:9-10) I love you guys and you all have a safe New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“It takes God to get to God” – Matthew Stevenson (to show I’m not copying someone’s quote claiming it as my own lol!!!!!)

A Short Piece: Life On the Other Side 

With dozens of daggers still lodged in your back, bleeding from each cut, you still extend a helping hand. Everytime you look in the mirror you wonder, “How did this happened to me again?” You’ve cried until you were bankrupt of tears, only to whimper again. Struggling to wake up, get off the floor and out of your room. Trying to enter in the ring to continue fighting for something bigger than you. Fatigued and drained from all the secrets, words, and baggage from other people’s luggage. But with no one to carry even a bag for you. Warring on the inside of whether to throw in the towel, despite coming so far from where you used to be. Debating whether to shut down and lock away your heart for good this time. Someone has to protect your heart since you’ve had to do all the protecting. 

But everytime your lips form the words “I’m finished, I give up, I quit”, other words like “more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus” and “all things work together for those who love God and are called according to his purpose” flood every mental thought. When you’re on 1% you suddenly get recharged back to 50 then to 100. And then it becomes days and weeks later and you wonder “how am I still here?” Weeks become months, and months turn into years. Wow. “how did I do it?” When you saw that there was life on the other side, you saw a reason to keep going. Hope is found on the other side of your reason to live. Have you found your reason? Here’s to us finding and discovering our reasons to live. I found mine, there’s hope for you too. 

Love C. 

My thoughts on the body of Christ’s response to this election . 

(Facebook status) 

“As I’ve been sitting back and paying attention to all the election disputes on Facebook, here’s my conclusion.

Dear Christians, 

To those who profess Jesus Christ (whether by words or by example) so many of you have allowed this election (and other tragic occurrences in 2016) to expose YOUR heart. While childishly debating with your brothers and sisters in Christ, you have allowed unbelievers to witness what you’re about. And as it “pains” me to say this, a lot of you have ruined your credibility and your witness trying to justify YOUR personal preferences being elected and not the heart of God being revealed. This year could have been used to witness and demonstrate the love and power of Jesus Christ. But instead you’ve allowed the news and social media to distort your judgement and perspective. Neither candidates aren’t the best choices, but because we didn’t appreciate honorable vessels this is what we’re stuck with. The body of Christ needs to repent or how we’ve allowed Fox News and Facebook to distract us from the real enemy, and for how we’ve forgotten that Jesus is called the KING of Kings and LORD of Lords for a reason. You want revival in this nation, humble yourself America and get processed. Decide this day which god you’re willing to serve. Are you going to serve GOD, or will you serve the many gods that have the hearts of so many? If anything this year has exposed that many of your foundations are NOT founded in God, they’re founded in your desires, and it’s a shaky foundation. I mean you do have the chance to get a true, solid foundation in Jehovah. But that’s if you’re willing to be confronted by the authentic God of the bible, and not this false, pitiful, weak god that America has been worshipping for decades. If you’re not willing to be firmly rooted in God, you’ll be swayed and deceived by anything. But there is hope for you since God is a merciful god. You just need revelation of the issue at hand, and then you need to apply the solution to that problem. Don’t be so politically “WOKE” that you’re spiritually comatose. As a believer you’re MANDATED to have the mind of Christ to flow into your decision making skills. Please use the Holy Spirit and not your “positive vibes” to guide you and teach you. People of God don’t be so culturally affluent that your spiritually ignorant. Come out of ignorance and into GODly prosperity. 

Love Always, Celethia Janae'”